Hey Hey yo!
Lately I have been pondering exercise and if I am doing enough/too much/not enough for someone my age. I am pretty active for a 19 year old in my opinion. Most kids my age where I’m from don’t exercise at all. They’re idea of exercise is hooking up Rock Band on the 360. However, my idea of exercise really gets my endorphins pumping, and for me it’s not all that strenuous. 4-5 nights a week I go for runs/walks for about an hour outside my house. I have done this for years, and I just find it so peaceful and energizing. This is about my only form of exercise other than my ballet/dancing that I try to do every so often for fun. The reason why I exercise at night is simply because it is the only time during the summer where I can breathe. At night my lungs clear of all the exercise-induced asthma, and I can usually run for 30-40 minutes and pretty much feel awesome. If I were to try to run in the morning or during the day…let’s just say it would not be a pretty sight. I could maybe turn out 10 min if that. There’s just something about the cool night air that I love. I used to spend hours locked away in the gym staring away at the outdoors, but now I’ve found that I enjoy exercising outdoors more in the privacy of my driveway. I think one of the reasons I prefer exercising at home is that I don’t have to subject myself to others and their appearances/staminas. I can walk/run as fast or as slow as I like and not have to stare at the painfully thin women I see exercising like mad. It makes it more for me I guess.
I just thought I would share with you my main form of exercise, which is pretty much aerobic activity only. I don’t really strength train though I would love to get into yoga/pilates more as it will help with my dancing. For some reason I get into my head that aerobic exercise is ten times more productive than lifting a weight or stretching, which is NOT true at all. I know that I need to make time to stretch and challenge other parts of my body, so I’m hoping to work on this.
Also, I’m getting to be a bit uncertain about going back to school. I am so afraid I will relapse…and lately I’ve been struggling quite a bit. I know that I’m not eating enough, yet I feel so huge all of the time I cannot bring myself to eat a real meal. Rather than make myself a tasty nutritious meal…I will grab a box of cheerios and some yogurt…add in some pb and make it a meal. This would be perfectly fine if it were once or twice a week…however lately this is all I have been eating…with a few real meals here and there. GRRR…I hate this. This is how I’ve been living for the past 2.5 years, and it’s so frustrating. My mind has linked eating a sit down dinner to being lazy/fat, so I cannot bring myself to eat a normal dinner. The worse part is I can’t even sit down to eat. I have to eat while standing..which is totally dumb..but it is the only way I can maintain this weight. If I try to sit down and have a meal…i tend to just pick at whatever’s there simply out of habit…and just ignore my hunger.
All of this is totally stupid and definitely a part of my ED still lingering…I know I still need to seek help at least with a bit of nutritional counseling…especially if I want to counsel others some day. I’m just worried I’ll gain more weight than necessary I suppose….but we will see.
This has been a bit long…so if you read all of this props to you! I hope you are all having a lovely day…Now I’m off to watch some Alexa Chung on MTV! Anyone else love this show? She’s quite interesting